Rebecca called me on Friday to tell me that she’d gotten straight A’s on her latest report card!  That’s now two editions of straight A’s this year – terrific!  She says that Spanish is her fav class, followed by social studies and math, I believe.

Brother Noah is still on the numbering system and he got all 3’s on a 1-4 scale, where 4’s the best.  He’s a smart guy and will always  do well if he can keep his focus.

I wish I could take at least some of the credit for their good grades – maybe Rebecca’s since we’re closer due to when she moved to NC; but I think Noah’s is mostly his own and his influencers at home.  I wish I could congratulate them in person, but I guess that will have to wait until I see them in a month.

Their mom suggested that we have Skype for our daily conversations.  I’m OK with that idea, but do not relish the idea of seeing their mother, in the process.  We’ll try it out and see how it works.

I learned from my ex wife that I am not welcome in her/my children’s home, right now.  Under the current circumstances, I guess it would be too uncomfortable for me to be in her – the ex’s – presence.  This seems somewhat odd since our current, tenuous and stress-filled, situation has more to do with my ex’s non compliance with our Shared Parenting Agreement than with anything that I have done of my own doing vs. fighting for my rights as a parent.

Yes, I have served her with a court summons, but that was in response to the summons that I received from her.  I was all set to mediate and fine with doing so, but she insisted on being litigious vs. taking the more friendly approach.  I was all for trying to mediate issues in our circumstances, but she has refused to do so and only will, because of a court order that forces her into it.

So, given this situation, would you attend your daughter’s party at the home of her mother/your ex?  I was also told that I am not allowed to pick up my son from school as he has plans on that afternoon (a 9-year old has plans more than 30 days in advance – you’ve got to be kidding!)  I will have not seen my son for two months and I am disallowed from picking him up from school?

Do attorneys ever tell divorced or to-be-divorced fathers, what it will take to maintain your rights as a father?  It does not seem so.  I suppose my situation is, in part, a function of my children’s mother and the fact that she seems to want me to pay child support, but not to provide any parenting support that may be counter to her parenting style or ultimately in the best interests of my children.

It is sad that it has taken me nearly two years to try and turn the tide from being excluded from parent-teacher meetings, medical decisions, school decisions, communicating with my children, and the list goes on and on.  I seem to have an attorney who is fighting for my rights as a father and who knows the meaning of collaboration; but I never in a million years thought being a father from long distance and trying to have what is rightfully mine, would be such an uphill challenge.  Regardless of the differences between the children’s mother and me, we each have a right to be a parent and neither one of us is better than the other and owe respect…sadly, that is not happening here.

Now comes the awkward situation…Rebecca’s having some of her friends over after her appearance in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”.  I’ll be in Raleigh to see her perform, but now the question is, do I go to the party at her mother’s house (my ex) or stay away?  If Rebecca asks me to go, I will likely do it for her sake and to meet her friends; but if she does not, I may opt out.

Since her mother and I are barely on speaking terms (long story, lawyers involved, father’s rights, etc.) the last thing I want to do is go to her house and face her in person, along with spending time with her a’h husband.   I suppose I can go and suck it up for Rebecca and to learn more about her friends.  I still have a month to consider the options and her mother and I will likely have had two mediation sessions between now and then, so the tension COULD ease…we’ll see.

Hoping to go see the kids in Raleigh the last weekend in February.  Rebecca has a performance, as a singer, in the play, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and Noah’s performing in a violin orchestra concert.  Can’t wait to see them, but dreading seeing their mom and her husband.  Too much tension between us and it always taints the joy of  my visits, to also see them.

No one ever told me things would be this hard, as a long-distance parent.  I never thought their mother and I would be at this stage of being so unkind to one another, but so it is.  I feel my only recourse to her nastiness is to serve it back – being nice has only helped to enable her to be a bitch.  I can’t take her slays at me, for another 10 years.

What do other long-distance fathers do?  What do you encounter and how have you overcome the challenges of being a participatory father but from a distance?  How do you ensure your rights as a parent?

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